Saturday, September 20, 2008

Week 2 Recap and Week 3 Preview...

by Geoff Hinlicky

Week 2 in the Q League was O.C. (I don’t mean O.C. as in The O.C., the former hit television show on Fox starring actors in their mid-20s playing a bunch of rich high school kids, but rather as in Out of Control). That Just Happened got hosed (by Jon Kitna?!). Team GLN dominated. Team Tornadoes suffered a heartbreak. And Team Tecmo Bowl put in a performance for the ages.

I feel for the Tornadoes. I haven’t seen anything as painful as this loss since 1993 and John Wayne Bobbit. To lose by half a point?! And it’s all DeSean Jackson’s fault. If he doesn’t drop the ball before he gets into the endzone, Brian Westbrook never gets his 1 yard TD run and Beckham does not get the W. I wonder if the Tornadoes will recover mentally and salvage their season… King Thutmose got lucky, posting the third lowest score, but still pulling out a lopsided victory. Team Bennett had an unlucky week, posting the fourth highest score, but still losing. GLN won big, but only got 3.5 points total from the TE, WR, and WR/RB slots. Unless GLN plugs those holes, expect to see some action in the L column.

Team Tecmo Bowl had an awful performance. If the team can’t turn it around, I would expect to see heads roll in the front office…However, I will give them the benefit of the doubt, as they have neither acclimated to their new home in the ATL nor have their new jerseys been delivered. How can a team be expected to play well while wearing a jersey from a previous season? They can’t. Think about it this way, would Rick Moranis have coached The Little Giants to a big W over the Cowboys if they didn’t have their sweet jerseys? I didn’t think so either…

This was a tough week for That Just Happened. Jon Kitna kept giving touchdowns to the Packers D, which lifted Team 10 to the W. I fully anticipate That Just Happened turning things around. They are just getting acclimated to the new league (and its rule changes) and just need time. Right now, That Just Happened is like the 2004 US Men’s Olympic Basketball team. Good players, but not really gelling together as a unit, and not really fully adapted at playing the international style of basketball (or Q League style fantasy football, as is the case here). So while they have a shot to win the Q League title (as the US Men’s Team had a shot to win the Olympics in ’04), look for them to maybe come up a little short this season. I know it’s early, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em. Wow, that was really hard for me to predict anything less than a championship for That Just Happened. I feel dirty. I think I’m going to go take a bath now and drown my sorrows with a six-pack of Zima, while listening to a Colbie Caillat and Norah Jones mixtape. (But on the plus side for That Just Happened, Aaron Rodgers looked like a super-star in D-Town.)

Here are my picks for Week 3. Be sure to call your bookie and put down a C note or two on all my picks…

TECMO over Tornadoes. Look for Eli Manning to come up huge against a crappy Bengals team. This game should be officially dubbed either “The Loser Bowl” or “We’re Playing for 9th Place in the Final League Standings Bowl.”

DUD over Bennett. This one should be an easy W for Dud…

BECKHAM over Thutmose. Beckham will keep the dream perfect season alive.

KUJO over 10. In the best game of the week, look for McNabb to have a tough time against a tough Steelers D, countered with Kujo and Peyton Manning rolling over 0-2 Jacksonville.

GLN over That Just Happened. TJH is still trying to find footing in the league, and GLN should roll.

Don’t drink and drive.

See you next week.

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Real Season Preview

by Geoff Hinklicky

You may not know who I am, so please allow me to introduce myself. I am Geoff Hinlicky, the world’s biggest fan of Q League Team “That Just Happened” and am lucky to be able to cover the Q League as a full-time columnist. You may be wondering, how is it possible to be a huge fan, since That Just Happened is a brand new, expansion franchise in the Q League? Two years ago, That Just Happened, was a leader in the “Lazy-Boy Legends” League playing under the team name of “Rockford Symbol.” After departing that league on good terms after the ’06 season and shopping around for a new league home, That Just Happened just happened on the Q League.

With that introduction taken care of, I am proud to present my Q League Preview. (While Fran McJiggel gave his own “Season Preview” in his typical, Ron Bergundy wanna-be newsman objective style, my preview (and all other articles I write) will be written solely based on my expert opinion and more than likely bent toward giving favorable coverage to That Just Happened, although I don’t front and will call them out for any bad personnel moves they make.) I am now going to break down the Q, team-by-team, in the order they are currently at in the standings right now.

TEAM DUD:
Yeah, they had a good week 1, leading all Q teams in scoring. Turner the Burner showed the country what everyone in Dekalb, IL at his alma mater NIU already knew…that he is A-MAY-ZING (Kelly from the Office voice)! But this team has some definite flaws. Flaw #1 – Frank Gore, the Burner, Roddy White and Derek Anderson are all on bad teams. You can’t expect huge numbers from guys on bad teams. This is especially problematic for Gore and Burner. I predict many 2nd half deficits, thus forcing the coach to play from behind, pass the ball, and completely abandon the running game. Flaw #2 – DUD has all his eggs in one basket! If TO scores…Witten isn’t scoring. If Witten scores, Folk is not kicking a field goal. If Burner scores, Roddy White isn’t scoring…You get the point. Diversification is a must if this team wants to go deep in the Q postseason.

TEAM 10:
Bad team name. “I don’t like it, I don’t like it one bit.” This team looks pretty good…Until McNabb gets hurt. And then Larry Johnson. And then Reggie Bush knocks up Kim Kardashian and gets all stressed about the amount of baby-mama money he’s gonna have to dish out and then he forgets that he is playing football and stops producing. Then you have to rely on your wide receivers, and Hines Ward hasn’t done anything productive since he made that special on how he is half-Korean and it was so special for him to go to Korea after winning the Super Bowl. Kudos, though, to the D/Sp. Teams. But other than that…eh, tough break!

I HEART BECKHAM:
For starters, see DUD. Too much “GB” in this starting lineup. Best running back corps, however. Very weak at TE, and I’m not sure Mr. Brees can be money all season. I find one big problem with this team. It’s just too homo-erotic. Apparently, the owner is named “Lukas,” yet the team name is fashioned around a male sex symbol, with a sexy picture of him as the logo. Not there’s anything wrong with that, but I just don’t dig all that guy-love, right Brownbear?

EL KUJO:
I’m not excited about this team. This one will be quick. Manning = officially on the downside of his career (can’t even beat the Bears on week 1 and is on an aging team). Portis = old. Jones = old (Jets will resort to pass attack when Favre gets more comfortable w/the offense). Johnson = rookie (and Lendale White is the bigger goal-line back who will get scoring opportunities, so CJ is only getting a tuddy if he breaks one from 15 yards or more). Holt = old. Fitzgerald = #2 to Bolden. Winslow = bad apple – a cancer in the locker room (would be better off running with Donald Lee). Steelers D = I like it. Phil Dawson = he has two problems…he plays for the Browns and his name sounds more like a game-show host as opposed to an NFL kicker. But I mean other than that, this is a great team (rolling my eyes right now….). Don’t expect Kujo to make any appearances in the post season.

TEAM GLN:
This team is solid….But not without flaws. GLN is going to have the opposite problem as DUD. Big Ben is often going to have 2nd half leads, and thus the passing attack will suffer, and Willie Parker and I Heart Beckham will reap all those benefits. Barber is on a team with too many offensive weapons. Wes Welker doesn’t have a QB anymore…his numbers will go WAY down. Having already said the team looks solid, I just don’t have a good feeling about them. Something is going to happen, and this team is going to be standing in the rain wondering “Why?” – kinda how Tom Hanks and Helen Hunt felt at the end of Cast Away.

TEAM THUTMOSE:
My favorite team so far. Best 1-2 punch with Romo and A.P. If Marvin Harrison can hook up with the Ponce De Leon and find the Fountain of Youth (and by Ponce De Leon, I mean Jose Canseco or Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds or anyone from BALCO and by the Fountain of Youth, I mean steroids or HGH) and resurrect his career and Ocho Cinco can get out of his funk, his receiving corps will be straight $$$$. Jacobs is a big, feature back who will get goal-line touches in NY, and Coles will benefit greatly from Favre. Best TE in Gates, solid at D w/Chicago. With the exception of Driver, the bench is pretty skimpy. If this team could add a little depth, look for them to possibly take home the Q Cup.

TEAM BENNETT:
Could the owner be any more vain? Who names his team after himself? That’s like somebody naming a college after himself (see Bob Jones University and/or Hyles-Anderson College)…Aside from the name problems, this team isn’t too bad…except for Hasselbeck is going into a downward slide, Graham isn’t very good, Colts D couldn’t stop rookie Bear Matt Forte, and Josh Brown is unproven at the kicker slot. But the WRs are solid and LT is the best. How did expansion team Bennett land LT in a keeper league? Something seems fishy here. I think Bob Lee needs to do an “Outside the Lines” special to see how LT is available to an expansion franchise in a keeper league. Unbelievable.
THAT JUST HAPPENED:
I’m excited about this year for us. (I usually hate when fans consider themselves part of the team and use pronouns to somehow force themselves into ownership/active roster/active participant status, but I’m making an exception for this year’s team. I am a part of it, and I think we’ll have a great year.) Aaron Rodgers at QB. I am very excited and very nervous about this. I actually haven’t been this nervous/excited about something this big since Kelly on Saved by the Bell got that shot at a modeling gig in Paris. Let me explain, I was very excited for Kelly to get the opportunity of a lifetime to do her dream modeling gig…In Paris! But at the same time, I was nervous she would somehow replace Zach with a new Frenchie and thus end the Morris-Kapowski connection. That’s how I feel about Rodgers; I’m excited for him and know he can do well, but nervous that somehow what used to be perfect will no longer exist… Solid at RB with Jackson, James, Morris and Jones. The ownership should be able to switch up RBs depending on how favorable the matchups look each week. The WR corps is a little sketchy, but DeSean Jackson could be a very valuable sleeper later in the season. Tony Gonzalez is great, and Gostkowski may get cut soon if the Pats offense sputters without Brady. I also heard from a reliable source close to the organization that That Just Happened is going to switch D/Sp. Teams on a weekly basis, looking for favorable matchups in the waiver wire. Risky strategy, but could pay extra dividends. Front office savvy will take this team far, and they will be in contention at the end of the season.

THE TORNADOES
This team has more holes than the Titanic. Losing Brady was tough, but to follow it up by replacing him with Brady’s actual replacement? Foolishness. This team could have found a solid veteran somewhere on the waiver wire…Or maybe just looked at their own bench and Mr. Kitna. Now that Brady is out, Maroney’s numbers will drop, and those already declining numbers will go down even more as Sammy Morris emerges as the feature back in NE (chalk one up for That Just Happened). Wayne and Who’s Your Daddy are solid WRs and will give good production all year (assuming Carson Palmer finds himself). Shockey doesn’t score enough. Dwayne Bowe…haha. You’re joking right? Quit foolin’. Dwayne Bowe? Take that man out the starting lineup! I can’t believe Darren McFadden is on the pine pony. Put that man in the lineup. He’s worth rolling the dice for. I don’t see a championship in this team’s near future…

TEAM TECMO BOWL
Second best name in the league (after That Just Happened). After a dismal Week 1, things can only go up from here. If Favre of ’07 continues to play instead of Favre of ’06, TTB will be set at QB. Moss’ production will decline in Brady’s absence. MJD and Felix Jones are both backs splitting time, so don’t look for domination from either of them. TTB is solid on D and in the kicking game, but that will only take you so far. Despite all of TTB’s flaws, I have a funny feeling about them and think they might be alright. TTB is kinda like getting a new Tupac album. You pretty much know it’s gonna be good, but you also know something is weird about that because he is dead and shouldn’t be producing any more albums. Not that this team is dead, but something is weird about them…

In conclusion, I will list my projections for season standings.
1: Team Thutmose.
2: That Just Happened.
3: Team GLN.
4: Team Bennett.
5: Team DUD.
6: I Heart Beckham.
7: Team Tecmo Bowl.
8: Team 10.
9: El Kujo.
10: The Tornadoes.

See you next week

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Week 1 Power Rankings

by Fran McJiggel

Week 1 started off with a bang. Let's dive right into this week's power rankings.



#1: TEAM DUD

Turner and Gore were amazing; The scary part? T.O. was mediocre

#2: TEAM BECKHAM

Parker's not doing that every week; but neither is Edwards

#3: TEAM 10

Team 10 had big games from a few players. This may be the highest they're ever ranked

#4: TEAM BRATTON

Bratton received the best across the board production. Expect Bratton to be here every week.

#5: TEAM GLN

Survived week one without Brandon Marshall. Check out my pre-season article for my prediction of Big Ben's fate. Then take a look at the box score.

#6: TEAM THUTMOSE

The WR situation is dire.

#7: TEAM BENNETT

With the demise of Team Tecmo Bowl and Team Tornadoes, this expansion franchise could steal some games and make a playoff run.

#8: TEAM THAT JUST HAPPENED
This team is the front-runner for the "score the second of third most total points and only win 3 games award." The Ewell division is just too tough.

#9: TEAM TORNADOES
Brady is out. Team Tornadoes simply can't do without his consistent production. Expect a trade.

#10: TEAM TECMO BOWL
How can anybody be ranked lower than Tornadoes this week? Believe it or not, Brady's injury hurts Moss' owner more than Brady's owner. No way Moss buys into a ball control offense.

New Name Unveiled

by Kris Jingles

Atlanta GA, (AP):TEAM TECMO BOWL!

After only three days of deliberation, Ryan Neisler unveiled the new name for his fantasy football franchise. The name, a reference to an early '90s nintendo game "fits" Neisler's style, according to fellow owner Jake Bennett.

"It's a great game first of all. Second of all, it's classic. If there are no better two words that describe the way Ryan runs his team."

When asked about the color of uniforms Neisler reported that "nothing is definite, but purple will be involved." Later, Neisler commented to a reporter to expect away jerseys primarily composed of a secondary color.

The name change came sooner than expected. Neisler, was able to buy out the now defunct "Tecmo" game manufacturer, thus expediating the process.

Team sources confirmed that Team Tecmo Bowl will be functioning this week.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Season Preview

by Fran McJiggel

The season is upon us! I've assembled position by position rankings for each team as well as a final ranking. The result may shock you. Without further adieu . . .







Fran McJiggel is a regular contributor to qfantasyfootball.blogspot.com and the author of such books as "Fantasy by Fran." "Jiggel It!: The Life and Times of a Fantasy Football Beat Reporter.", "Skinny Bones." and is a member of the Idaho High School Football Hall of Fame. He sweats like a Wilder Beast.












Thursday, September 4, 2008

Team Ickey to Relocate; Seek New Name

by Kris Shingles

Atanta, GA (AP): Ryan Neisler, owner of Team Ickey, dropped a bombshell on the league today: his team is not only seeking a new name . . . it's moving . . . to Atlanta.

"It's positive," said Neisler, "not positive like HIV positive; but positive in that it is not negative."

The press conference was announced this morning by league officials and brought with it an expectancy of a mere name change for the Q Leagues charter franchise. The team had been in the middle of a desperate legal battle with former NFL running back, Ickey Woods.

That battle ended yesterday.

U.S. 3rd circuit appelate court Judge Saul Montegro ordered that Mr. Neisler did indeed have to abide by the lesser court's rulings and change the name of his team. According to the previous decision, handed down November 23rd 2007, use of the name "Ickey" was a "blatant reference to Mr. Woods and his unique style and though his name was not copyrighted, Mr. Woods has the right to request that Mr. Neisler remove any hint of association with his name."

"The name change was a forgone conclusion," said Tornadoes owner Josh Neisler, " the relocation blows my mind . . . absolutely blows my mind . . . I'm speechless . . . I literally . . . can . . . not . . . talk . . . at all!"

Mr. Neisler denied that the name change was a sole means of garnering attention for his struggleing franchise: "This is not all about attention, sure, that's a part of it, but there's more to it then that."

Mr. Neisler expounded upon other reasons for the move including the price of oil and his eagerness to help the Georgian peoples in response to "their recent struggles against Russia." Mr. Neisler also cited the uncanny density of Q League teams in Tiffin, Ohio.

League offices report that the team will have a new name by it's first game Sunday.

When asked how Mr.Neisler could possibly move his team to Atlanta that quickly, Assistantant to the League Manager Lukas Hafeli responded, "It's an online fantasy football league you R tard."

Mr. Woods could not be reached for comment